In a recent issue of the New York Times, a writer talked about how to prepare for retirement and aging with a focus on the various emotions one can experience late in life: depression, sadness, loneliness, alienation and a lack of purpose. Many of these are brought on by the loss of a spouse, friends, even children. Sometimes it is relocation to a new, unknown town or residence. For others, it is retirement with a capital R.
Then there are health issues. How many older men and women do you know who are experiencing back or neck pain, eyesight and hearing loss, knee or hip replacements, a lack of mobility, or the onset of dementia?
One friend told me last year that she could never afford health insurance and worked full-time until she was 75. She was rarely ill. But since she stopped working, her health has been a challenge. She has experienced heart problems, severe osteoporosis, a blood clot, and back problems. “What gives?” she wants to know.
In thinking of my journey as I close in on 87 on July 9, it has definitely taken me a while to get it together. I moved to a new city and state, leaving my closest friends behind. My children live far away in Oregon and Maryland. Several neighbors I had befriended moved away to be closer to family. And most importantly, my husband died. Frankly, I have experienced many of the emotions mentioned above.
As a writer/journalist and long-time executive in Jewish communal service (UJA-Federation of New York, national United Jewish Appeal, and Hadassah to name three), it seemed for a while that the most productive and interesting years of my life were over.
What could I do to reverse this slide toward irrelevance? I started doing some research, looking around at my neighbors, friends, and acquaintances. What I found was lots of coping mechanisms that showed creativity, resilience, and a desire to make later life meaningful.
Some older neighbors and friends volunteer for non-profit organizations, sitting on boards or committees. Others are more hands-on. One neighbor is a docent for children visiting the Tucson Museum of Art after a career as a teacher. Others volunteer at gift shops such as Tohono Chul, Tucson Botanical Gardens, and the UNICEF store.
One friend visits elderly residents at Handmaker. Another works with horses at TRAK Tucson. Then there are those men and women who are active in their synagogues, the Tucson Jewish Community Center, or the Tucson Jewish Museum & Holocaust Center. Some take adult courses at the University of Arizona or with lifelong learning programs. Others attend lectures, concerts (symphony, opera, chamber music), films.
I have met men and women who are exploring new hobbies such as painting, pottery, and sculpture.
Then there are the bridge and mah jongg players, the swimmers, the hikers, the pickleball players, the book lovers. One friend, more homebound, belongs to three book clubs simultaneously. And, lest I forget politics, a neighbor is organizing demonstrations.
One friend is a long-time supporter of TIHAN; others volunteer packing and distributing food and household items at the Community Food Bank or for one of the local shelters. I could go on.
Sometimes it takes time to find one’s place. I wrote to several organizations both in and out of the Jewish community, offering my services, and never even received an answer. After a lifetime working in the Jewish world, the former was particularly painful. Did I feel irrelevant or over the hill? You bet!
But I have learned it is important to persist. And to find what interests you. On a recent Shabbat morning I helped make sandwiches for a social service agency. And after some trepidation, I spent two months preparing a presentation on the Soviet Jewish refusenik movement for my synagogue retreat.
Recently, I went back to refresh my Hebrew with an online program by Duolingo. It has been surprisingly fun and stimulating.
I am big on podcasts relating to Israel and anti-Semitism available online. During the recent war between Iran and Israel, I found them informative and meaningful. I love Jewish history and the Bible, so when I can, I take courses online through organizations such as Tikvah or offered locally through my synagogue or Chabad.
This month, I signed up for a sitting Tai Chi class (my back pain has made standing difficult) and a multimedia class at the TMC senior center. I have no artistic talent, but I have always been fascinated by multimedia, so I thought I would give it a shot.
Did I forget to mention grandchildren and family? Some older people are lucky to live near their children or siblings and enjoy close relationships with them. I am not so lucky in that department. I have a son leaving for a year in Israel with his young family.
And finally, sometimes something serendipitous occurs that is beyond your wildest imagination.
Some months ago, I received an email from the University of Arizona Center for Judaic Studies announcing the showing of a film about a 95-year-old Holocaust survivor traveling to Poland with her son. It would be shown at the J with the writer/director in attendance.
When I read the notice, I recognized the name of the survivor, Halina Birenbaum, a woman I interviewed 50 years ago when I was a journalist for The Jewish News of Metropolitan New Jersey. I got in touch with the Arizona Jewish Post and here I am.
So get off the couch, look around at those you know, and see what they are doing and how they are learning to cope in their later years, intellectually, physically and emotionally. There have been frustrating times, sad times, lonely times; but there are opportunities for meaningful activities and work. It is up to us to find what fits us.
Good luck.
