On July 9, I turned 88 years old. I told friends that I felt like a girl in an old woman’s body. I have always been youthful, but the aches and pains that often accompany old age have begun to bother me … back, neck, knees. My eyes don’t work so well at night either, and I have stopped driving after dark. In addition, I have some hearing loss, and one of these days, I will probably need a hearing aid.
Let’s just say, it’s hard to ignore signs of aging.
In spite of these obvious reminders, I have trouble imagining that I’m 88. I still carry thoughts of childhood anxieties and middle-age angst, as well as thoughts of special milestones: insecurity over adolescent acne at 13, my first trip to Israel at 20, the joy of childbirth at 28, my breast cancer diagnosis at 53, my first grandchild at 71. And yet, here I am at 88. Where did the years go, I wonder.
When you’re young, you rarely focus on how much time you have left. You are too busy having fun, going to school, making friends. Perhaps seeking a life partner. In middle age, you are working, studying, striving, devoting time to family or career. Maybe both. But time seems to stretch out before you.
Of course, there are those individuals who lose a job, a partner or child, God forbid, or must contend with a life-threatening illness. In these cases, a person is forced to recalibrate, reconsider, adjust to a new norm, and oftentimes, deal with frightening or tragic circumstances. These events force a person to look at her life with more seriousness and perhaps to be more planful than she might have been otherwise.
But generally, to young and perhaps even middle-aged people, life appears limitless … so much time ….
And then suddenly, you are nearing the end of your life, and it seems to have gone by so fast. You wish you could tell your younger self to make the most of your time and not waste it.
My husband, Shelby, always joked and said as long as you’re vertical, you know you’re okay. Unfortunately, Shelby is not here to celebrate this birthday with me.
Another fact of aging: loss.
Nevertheless, my birthday this year was welcome. There was dinner with friends; phone calls from children, grandchildren, and friends. cards and ecards from around the country: Boston, New York, Alabama, Maryland, New Hampshire, Pennsylvania, and lovely flowers from friends in Los Angeles.
I wasn’t sure how to celebrate the milestone without any family present, so I sponsored Friday night’s Oneg Shabbat and Shabbat lunch at my synagogue, Kol Ami. As I was writing this, the synagogue called to ask if I wanted to light the candles on Friday night. I said yes.
I believe it is important to be thankful for the life you have been given and recognize your many blessings. These are some of the things I am thankful for this year:
I am fairly healthy
I have lived long enough to see my children finish college, marry, and have children of their own
My son and daughter are honorable, constructive, and decent human beings who make the world a better place
My head still works
I write every day and publish monthly
I have a wonderful dog, Farfel, whose presence enhances my life
I have old friends who are still alive and new friends who make my life a blessing
I have a wonderful friend who takes me to and from synagogue on Friday nights
I have a synagogue that offers me a spiritual space and a sense of community
I have nice neighbors
And what does the future hold? No one knows. “Judy, just take it one day at a time,” I tell myself, “be thankful each day … and celebrate what is positive in your life.” Who knows how much time any of us will have? All I know is: Today, I’m vertical.
