Dear Avi and Adele:
I met a guy at a New Year’s Eve party who seemed pretty into me. We went out a few times and had good time. He puts his arm around me when we go out, gives me kisses goodnight and holds my hand. In short, we enjoy each other’s company. The Problem is – he doesn’t really ever ask me out on real dates. He waits until the last minute to call me and asks what I’m up to. By the time Friday comes around, I’m not sure whether to make plans with my girlfriends or wait until he calls me. Does his failure to plan mean he’s “just not that into me” or is this just “a guy thing”?
– Planful
Dear Planful:
You’re saying “boo hoo” about this beau, but we’re saying “boo” on your behavior too. Here’s what’s going right: You are having a good time, feeling a chemistry and seeing some of the signs of attraction (and we hope responding to them positively). However, you’re also right to question what’s going on. Are you top in his mind or are you destined to spend 40 years wandering the desert that is the Benign Bootycall?
The Benign Bootycall is what Avi and Adele call the “good enough girl,” which we’re afraid, Planful Polly, you’ve become. You’re not a 10 for him; you’re probably a 5.2 in his book. And the reason we know this? He’s waiting until Shabbat morning or later to see if you’re up for a little Havdalah fun. If you were a 10, he’d want to occupy a lot more of your time, things would probably progress more physically, and he’d want to fill up your time so no others could. In his world, if there’s not a game on and he doesn’t have another date and his houseplants have already been watered, then he’ll call you up because you’re “just good enough.”
Don’t believe us? Then you have two options: either have a come-to-Moses talk with your new flame or take the kosher bull by the horns and just make it happen. If you want to talk the talk, get ready to walk if you hear that he just isn’t that into you. If you want to change the course of your life with dallying David, then saddle up and change the dynamic: a simple “I’m mapping out my next weekend–do you want to make plans?” should suffice. If he can’t make a decision, then stick to your guns when same-day plans arise and don’t be available.
You’re just as enabling to him as he is annoying to you, so fix it or forget it!
Livin’ and Lovin’,
Avi and Adele
To submit questions to Avi and Adele, e-mail aa@letmypeoplegrow.org. Please go to www.letmypeoplegrow.org – a blog dedicated to cultivating Jewish conversations on topics that matter, while educating, entertaining and engaging our national Jewish community.
