Dear Avi and Adele:
I’m a 26 year-old female with an odd problem. I’m having a hard time juggling my very, very active dating life and have already begun to make blunders between the different dates I am having. For example, I was out with one guy for the second time the other night. In the middle of telling a story, I had that awful feeling in the pit of my stomach that I had just told him that same story a week ago. Oops!! I recognize I’m very lucky, but I desperately need some help keeping track of potential keepers?
-Raining Men
Dear Raining Men:
Every girl should be so lucky to have a swarm of men–nay, a veritable entourage!–buzzing about her. And, as you’ve identified, with great opportunity comes great challenge.
Mistakes can be made whether you’re dating a pair of men, or what Adele calls a “Match.com Minyan.” You not only have to worry about putting your best foot forward, but also keeping that foot out of your mouth. Facts, details, anecdotes can become the bane of your existence if you don’t treat the business of dating like a, well, business.
Allocate a little brain power to what Avi calls “date management.” Go high-tech with a spreadsheet or even your phone’s contact-tracking capabilities to map out critical details. Or keep it low-tech with every girl’s favorite tool: the little black book.
You’ll find peace of mind by keeping a few mundane details at your fingertips. It’s really the mundane you want to capture, unless you’re a total hussy and can’t recall which base you’ve rounded with whom without having to document when, where, and how.
So what to track? Consider any or all of the following:
1. Siblings/Parents (How many of each? Where do they live?)
2. Past date details (Where did you go? Who paid?)
3. Job/Company name/College
4. Faith (Is he conservative, reform, or other? Does he fast on Yom Kippur?)
5. Passions (What’s his top hobby? What countries has he visited?)
Great embarrassment also comes from repeating stories about yourself. Things could get sticky – assuming that he knows something about you when you haven’t told him or even giving an old story an embellished encore. So be sure to note which major stories and details you’ve shared with him too.
One strategy that Avi uses with his first dates is to make sure to cover family, job and world travels before the check hits the table. That way, he can treat all future conversations as informed about his personal life.
Also, consider creating a post-date checklist to review before future dates.
Too much to handle? Then maybe the big leagues aren’t for you and you should scale down your efforts to give your dating life the love and attention it deserves. Whether you’re handling your men as individuals or looking for the wholesale discount, remember that your best bet is to just be yourself. With that strategy, you’ll hit a home run every time.
Livin’ and Lovin’,
Avi and Adele
To submit questions to Avi and Adele, e mail aa@letmypeoplegrow.org. Please go to www.letmypeoplegrow.org – a blog dedicated to cultivating Jewish conversations on topics that matter, while educating, entertaining and engaging our national Jewish community.
