The role of a doula is traditionally associated with birth. Anita Kellman guides people at the other end of their journeys, as a certified end-of-life doula.
Kellman provides physical, emotional and spiritual support to patients and their families, whether that means running errands, facilitating conversations or sitting vigil.
Caring for others and giving them respect and dignity is a natural extension of her Jewish values, said Kellman, a longtime member of Tucson’s Congregation Chofetz Chayim.
As a medical professional for more than 40 years, including 18 years as a clinical liaison in an oncologist’s office, she helped people face the end of life long before she had an official name for the role.
“I held the hands (both literally and figuratively) of thousands of patients and families who were going through cancer diagnosis and treatment,” Kellman says.
She created Beat Cancer Boot Camp, a fitness-based support group, to help patients, survivors and those who love them stay strong. She ran the group for almost two decades. She also has been a hospice volunteer.
But it was her personal experience with grief that inspired her to train as an end-of-life doula.
Despite all her knowledge and experience, when her mother was in hospice, “I still kind of froze,” Kellman said. “I couldn’t think straight. I realized there’s a need for someone to guide people.”
One of her main goals is to make talking about the end of life easier.
Some clients meet with her for advance planning. Beyond funeral arrangements, there can be much to prepare, from organizing insurance papers to designating a friend or family member to make medical or financial decisions.
Such planning can be “the ultimate form of love, helping your family members, having everything all taken care of so they don’t have to worry about making decisions,” she said.
Sometimes Kellman’s job is to simply sit quietly with a patient so they are not alone. But often, people facing the end of life are eager to share their history. While family members may have heard their stories before, “I’m hearing it for the first time, with open ears,” she said. She can write or videotape a patient’s stories as a legacy for future generations. Another option is to prewrite birthday cards for their loved ones.
Kellman often uses music and aromatherapy to provide comfort, such as smoothing a patient’s hands with lavender-scented lotion.
It’s the little things that make her work special, she said. She remembered a patient who admired the butterflies on the lanyard that held Kellman’s hospice badge. She gave the woman the lanyard to wear as a necklace and later hung it on the wall where she could see it. “It made her so happy,” Kellman said.
Along with helping patients during their active dying time, Kellman offers bereavement support for families.
For her own physical and emotional well-being, Kellman has several self-care practices, including hiking and meditation. And her greatest joy, she said, comes from spending time with her six grandchildren.
Kellman received her doula certification from the CareDoula School of Accompanying the Dying in 2020 and is a past board member of the National End-of-Life Doula Alliance.
Deanna Cochran, founder of the CareDoula School, said she was “blown away” by Kellman’s compassion, enthusiasm and vision. “She’s amazing,” she said.
Kellman’s longtime friend Marlene Harris agreed.
“She has a kindness and a caring about her that is perfect for this job,” she said.
Harris and Kellman were pals during their high school days in Skokie, Ilinois, and renewed their friendship after both, coincidentally, ended up in Tucson. Twelve years ago, when Harris was treated for stage 4 lung cancer, Kellman was a key member of her support team.
Harris recently told her husband, “If I ever get sick again, I want Anita to be my doula. I don’t want anybody fighting over what’s going to happen to me. It’s all going to be spelled out and Anita is going to be the one to take care of me.”
This article originally appeared in the Jewish News (Phoenix).
