Dear Avi and Adele:
My mom, like most typical Jewish mothers, keeps trying to set me up when I haven’t asked her to. While I appreciate her efforts, I’m a little uncomfortable that my mother is out there shopping for me – she doesn’t really seem to know my type. Should I tell her to cool it, or should I keep letting her play matchmaker?
– SOS Single
Dear SOS Single:
Ah, mamele! What have you done to your little bubeleh? Driving your child crazy with your mis-matching matchmaking!
Your mother’s goal is probably laser-focused: get you hitched and get you making babies. Your goal, however, may not be so singular. It’s likely that you want to meet someone who can find happiness with, can be a partner in life, can see you for what you are and still love you. And you probably also want someone who has a similar vision for creating a you-shaped family with a child count of anywhere between zero and ten.
How to mitigate these divergent goals? Get mom on board with your priorities. Having a pulse should not be the justifying factor for your mom arranging for blind dates. Rather, emphasize to her the emotional, work, and appearance elements at play. Figure out how to use her as an ally rather than fight her as the enemy. She is trying to help, after all.
If that doesn’t work, suggest that she do a pre-date with each person she finds. She can then enjoy fully the process in which someone gets to know another someone, and all the while, giving you a night off from the grueling life of first-date foibles.
Livin’ and Lovin’,
Avi and Adele
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