“In the wedding ceremony as it is now, the bride is inherently passive,” Melman told JTA. “We wanted to do something where it would be more egalitarian within the confines of a nonegalitarian ritual. I wanted to have more of a voice.”

They wanted to modify the ceremony while staying within the confines of halachah, or Jewish law — something essential in a country where all Jewish weddings must be sanctioned by the Orthodox-controlled Rabbinate.

Melman and Bronstein planned a joint tisch — the traditional bridegroom’s table, where the bridegroom signs the marriage contract and offers words of Torah. In their case, both the bride and groom would speak. The couple also would sign a “partnership agreement” in addition to the regular ketubah, or marriage contract.

Increasingly, Israeli couples are seeking to create weddings that are more reflective of their own lifestyles. But because Israel has no civil marriage and the Rabbinate retains exclusive control over marriage and divorce, this puts many couples in Israel on a collision course with the Rabbinate.

“The area of marriage is one of the most bitter areas of tension between secular Israelis and the religious establishment,” said Nachman Rosenberg, the executive vice president of Tzohar, a Zionist rabbinic organization devoted to bridging gaps between secular and Orthodox Israelis.

Some Israeli couples are put off by the bureaucracy of the Rabbinate, others by mandatory “brides’ classes” in which critics say that brides often are told that if they don’t observe the laws of family purity and go to the mikvah regularly, they or their children will be plagued by disease.

Secular Israelis long have bypassed the Rabbinate entirely by obtaining marriage licenses overseas, which in turn are recognized by Israel. In 2008, 5,028 Israeli couples married in nearby Cyprus, according to Israel’s Central Bureau of Statistics, while 37,188 Jewish couples married in Israel through the Rabbinate. Many of those who married in Cyprus also held their own unofficial weddings in Israel.

But a growing number of Israeli couples want alternatives in Israel that are recognized by law. Organizations such as Tzohar have been offering such alternatives to Rabbinate-officiated weddings, allowing couples to add personal touches to their wedding ceremonies while staying within the confines of Jewish law.

In November, tensions between the Rabbinate and Tzohar erupted when Israel’s Ministry of Religious Affairs announced that Tzohar rabbis would no longer be allowed to perform weddings. In a bit of a legal fiction, Tzohar was marrying couples throughout the country but registering them in towns whose official rabbis are sympathetic to Tzohar.

“It is very important that the rabbi doing the wedding know the couple and know 100 percent that they are Jewish,” Rabbi Rasson Amrusi, the chief rabbi of the Israeli city of Kiryat Ono and the chairman of the Rabbinate’s Marriage Committee, told JTA. “That is why we want the registration to be where the couple lives.”

But Tzohar and its supporters saw the bid as a power play by the haredi-dominated Rabbinate to disenfranchise the more liberal Orthodox rabbis employed by Tzohar. Following a public outcry, the Religious Affairs Ministry backed down.

Irit Koren, author of a book about Orthodox Jewish marriage called “You Are Hereby Consecrated to Me,” says many of those seeking alternatives are observant women “who put a lot of thought into what the ritual means.”

She cites the ritual of the bedecken, when the groom traditionally veils the bride, who then remains veiled for the entire wedding ceremony.

“For some women, it was very romantic and they saw it as something that gives them some privacy,” Koren said. “But for some it felt like a burka. They felt that at the most important moment of their life they wanted to be uncovered and stand with their whole essence, like their husband.”

Amrusi says those sorts of changes are fine.

“We have many weddings where the bride shows her face,” he said. “But there are some things that we can’t allow, like when the bride gives the groom a ring. That’s one of the things that Reform Jews do.”

Amrusi says exchanging rings during the traditional ceremony is forbidden because only the man’s ring can signify the kinyan, or acquisition, of a wife by her husband.

“The groom gives the ring, but he also takes on the obligation of taking care of the bride,” Amrusi said. “If she gave a ring, it would mean she is taking on the obligation to take care of the groom. Giving a ring is not a great honor, it’s a responsibility.”

Nevertheless, many couples want to exchange a token of their affection.

“One thing I suggest is to have the bride and groom give each other a tallit under the chuppah,” said Rabbi Haviva Ner-David, founder of Reut, the Center for Modern Jewish Marriage.

Since the chuppah symbolizes the groom’s home, Ner-David also suggests that instead of the groom waiting under the chuppah for the bride to be led to him, he wait just below the chupah and they enter together. Together they can also break the glass, which symbolizes the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem. Women also may read English translations of the Seven Blessings or add an eighth blessing.

“The change in the previous generation was that women began seriously learning Torah for the first time,” Koren said. “Reform in marriage will happen eventually, but I can’t tell you how long it will take.”

Michele Goldstein and David Clementi (Shelley Wellander/She.we Studio

The bride graduated from Catalina Foothills High School and briefly attended the University of Arizona. She is a licensed aesthetician and specializes in makeup artistry.

The groom graduated from Florida State University, where he majored in biomedical mathematics and received a commission into the U.S. Air Force. David is now a captain and he and Michele are stationed at Moody Air Force Base in Valdosta, Ga., where he flies the A-10C Thunderbolt II.

Michele and David welcomed their first child, Levi Benjamin Clementi, into the world on Dec. 19, 2011. The Clementi family is anxious to return to Tucson in the near future and are hoping for an assignment at Davis Monthan Air Force Base.

How they met:

Dave was stationed at Davis Monthan Air Force base for a six-month period. Dave had decided to get involved at Congregation Anshei Israel and periodically read Torah on Saturdays. We were originally introduced by a mutual friend but the timing must not have been right because nothing really sparked between us. One Saturday I attended synagogue for my cousin’s Bat Mitzvah. It just so happened to be a Saturday that Dave was there reading Torah. He sat behind me and when I turned around and waved, he didn’t recognize me because my hair color was lighter. After the service we connected at the oneg and really hit it off. We began texting and talking over the next week while he was home visiting family in Tampa and when he returned to Tucson we had our first date, which was to a UA basketball game. That was the beginning of a wonderful relationship!

The proposal:

Dave, already living in Valdosta at the time, convinced me that he was working and flying at night (something that is common once a month). He was flying, but it was a Delta flight to Tucson not an A-10 in south Georgia. When I got home from a cousin’s birthday dinner, to my surprise, Dave walked around the corner, got down on one knee and proposed. I wish I could tell you what he said, I’m sure it was so incredible but my shock in that moment erased it from my memory. Dave also included my dogs in the proposal — he knew how much they meant to me — by having shirts made for them, with the question, “Will you marry me forever?” and pictures of us on the shirts! It was a complete shock to me and the best moment of my life! He had also planned for many out-of-town family members to be in on the surprise by joining us that weekend at a surprise engagement dinner. It truly was a wonderfully thought-out weekend with never-ending surprises!

 Special memory of the day:

The groom’s mother, Rosanne Clementi, left, and mother of the bride, Dana Goldstein, adjust Michele’s veil. (Shelley Wellander/She.we Studio)

The most special moment for me was standing under the chuppah with Dave, with our rabbi and Ron, listening to them officiate our Jewish ceremony. It was a moment that I had looked forward to my entire life, and I really did live in that moment like so many had told me to do. I remember looking into Dave’s eyes and thinking how thankful I was to have found him and fallen in love with him. As a young child you can only hope to find happiness, and with Dave I have found my soulmate and best friend and the person that I want to spend my life with.

Wedding attire: Michele wore a Monique Lhullier gown and David wore a tuxedo from Jos. A. Bank.

Wedding planner: Louise Thomas of Events Made Special

Photographer: Shelley Wellander of She.we Studio

Videographer: Cam Wellander of She.we Studio

Caterer: Skyline Country Club

Music: Luke Bishop of Satyr Entertainment

Zachary and Stacey Singer first met in B’nai Mitzvah class at Congregation Anshei Israel. (Photos: Kadie Pangburm of Pangbum Photography)

Stacey Leigh Borin, daughter of Tom and Sara Borin, and Zachary Jonathan Singer, son of Steve and Shelley Singer, all of Tucson, were married on March 27, 2011 at the Hilton El Conquistador Golf & Tennis Resort with Rabbi Robert Eisen and Cantor Ivor Lichterman of Congregation Anshei Israel officiating.

Stacey is the granddaughter of Ann Katz-Lederman, Leon Lederman and Adele Borin, all of Tucson.

The bride’s childhood friend, Hannah Mayfield, was maid of honor. Bridesmaids were Zach’s sister, Emily Singer, and sister-in-law, Colleen Zitman. The best man was Zach’s brother, Andrew Zitman. The bride’s brother, Jeremy Borin, and Erik Rodgers, a friend, were groomsmen. Junior bridesmaids were Carly Bobis, Caitlin Bobis and Naomi Sanders, with flower girls Jaci Zitman, Chloe Zitman and Rachael Sanders, and ring bearer Perry Sanders accompanied by Bugsy, the couple’s beagle.

Zach graduated from the University of Arizona with a degree in elementary education and is pursuing a master’s degree in educational leadership at the UA. He is a first grade teacher in the Marana Unified School District. Stacey is a teacher at the Congregation Anshei Israel Preschool/Kindergarten.

For their honeymoon, Stacey and Zach drove up the California coast; favorite memories include hiking coastal trails in Big Sur and touring the wine country of Napa Valley.

How they met:

Zach and I (both now 26) first met around the age of 12. We were in the same B’nai Mitzvah class at Anshei Israel and continued our friendship in United Synagogue Youth. After attending and then graduating from Catalina Foothills High School together in 2003, we started working for Linda Royas Kadima USY advisors for Anshei Israel, and we still do to this day. Zach and I started dating soon after graduating high school.

The proposal:

After visiting Zach’s sister in Israel with his family for two weeks, we took trains around Europe for a few weeks. Zach proposed in Switzerland lakeside, at sunset in St. Moritz. Zach was planning on proposing on my birthday, but asked me earlier because he thought it was such a perfect setting and evening, and he was right.

Special memories of the day:

Picking just one would be so hard. Zach and I had an incredible “wedding weekend” with all of our amazing friends and family from out of town helping to make it such a special event for us. For me, the most memorable part was the ceremony, which started with the bridal party walking down the aisle to The Camus Quartet playing The Beatles “All You Need Is Love.” I entered to “Here Comes the Sun” (Zach and I love The Beatles).

Chuppah by Tucson artist Julie Szerina Stein

Standing next to Zach under the chuppah, a gorgeous hand-dyed silk chuppah made by friend and local artist Julie Szerina Stein, was such a wonderful feeling. I was trying to savor every moment because I had heard it all flies by so quickly. I also loved that Zach had to work extra hard to break the glass because the grass underfoot made it quite difficult. It also was really meaningful to us that we were able to use two Kiddush cups in the ceremony; one belonging to my grandfather and one to Zach’s grandfather. Both wedding bands belonged to Zach’s paternal grandparents and the engagement ring was worn by my Great-great-aunt Bertha, whose husband, Sam, I was named after. Zach’s sister brought the wine for the ceremony from Israel, from a winery we had visited on our trip the summer before.

When I asked Zach what his favorite moment was, he said the cake and dancing — ha. But he is right, the dancing and reception were unbelievable. Our first dance to “A Little Help from My Friends,” which was used as the theme song for “The Wonder Years,” was special to us because when we were about 13 we used to watch the show at our own homes while talking on the phone with each other. Affinity, our band, did a great job getting everyone up for the hora. I didn’t want it to end and it seems as though everyone was up dancing the whole night long. We made a point of sitting down and eating dinner. Ron from Blue House helped us put together an incredible kosher dinner with the perfect amount of southwestern flair, and Susie Parker at Nadines Bakery helped us pick the perfect cake.

Florist: Sauliz Floral Designs

Wedding coordinator: Anne Bryan

Photographer: Kadie Pangburn, who captured the entire day so wonderfully

Caterer: Blue House Catering

Wedding cake: Nadines Bakery, a delicious chocolate cake with chocolate fudge

Processional, recessional, cocktail hour music: Camus Quartet

Party music: Affinity (of Phoenix)

Ashlee Hall models antique wedding gown

The Jewish History Museum, 564 S. Stone Ave., will host a style show of vintage and antique wedding dresses on Sunday, Feb. 13 at 1:30 p.m. The story of the Jewish bride who originally wore each dress will be told. Included are an 1880s gown from the Arizona pioneer Solomon family, an 1878 gown worn at San Francisco’s Temple Emanuel (modeled at left by Ashlee Hall) and a 1920s gown and veil from Paris, France.

Tickets are $20 and include a champagne reception. For more information contact Eileen Warshaw at 670-9073 or JHMTucson@gmail. com.

Bride Rebecca Kunsberg is veiled by her mother, Linda Kunsberg (left), and the groom’s mother, Beanie Rohtbart, in the ‘bedeken’ ceremony, witnessed by Rabbi Robert Eisen (far left) and groom Ted Goodman. (John Hursh - Focus On Events Photography)

Rebecca Kunsberg, 31, daughter of Andrew and Linda Kunsberg of Tucson, and Theodore Goodman, 33, son of Beanie and Markus Rohtbart of Bloomfield Hills, Mich., and Don and Gloria Goodman of West Bloomfield, Mich., were married on Nov. 14, 2010 at Westward Look Resort with Rabbi Robert Eisen of Congregation Anshei Israel officiating.

Rebecca received her master’s degree in public administration from the University of Arizona and is the leadership development and public relations director of the Jewish Federation of Southern Arizona. Ted received his doctorate in accounting from the Wharton School at the University of Pennsylvania. He is an assistant professor in the Eller College of Management.

The couple cut a cake topped with Rebecca and Ted bobbleheads (John Hursh-Focus On Events Photography)

How they met:

We met in August 2005 at a Hillel Shabbat dinner. Later, we’d see each other at Young Jewish Tucson events. When Rebecca was the YJT co-chair in 2007, she asked Ted to join the steering committee and they started dating.

The proposal:

Ted proposed on June 22, 2009. He called Rebecca many times that afternoon, confirming the time she planned on being home after work. Rebecca assured Ted, many times, that she would be home around 6 p.m., in time to grab some workout clothes and head to the JCC for Zumba class. He called during her trip home, and even as she pulled up at the house, to verify her plans. Ted seemed anxious! As soon as Rebecca entered the house, Ted told her that their dog, Colonel, dug up some really big holes in the backyard. Rebecca ran outside while yelling at Colonel for his bad behavior. She found the offending hole filled with dog toys right next to the foundation of the house. She took out some toys and found a box on the bottom of the hole. She opened the box and found a beautiful ring. Ted walked outside with a bouquet of flowers and Rebecca asked him what the ring was for. Ted asked Rebecca if she was okay, because she couldn’t stop laughing. Finally, Ted asked Rebecca if she would marry him and she said “Of course I want to marry you!”

Wedding planning triumph:

We noticed many of our friends adding one or two nonprofit organizations to their registries. We could buy pots and pans for our friends and also donate to a cause that is important to them. We decided to ask our guests to honor our simcha by making donations to organizations that are meaningful to us. However, choosing a few organizations proved to be a difficult task. We first met at a Hillel Shabbat dinner and got to know each other in our Jewish Federation’s Young Jewish Tucson group. We had our first date at the Tucson Pops Music under the Stars and we share a love of Arizona Public Media. Our friend, Capt. Joseph Salucci, returned from Afghanistan and told us about the Wounded Warriors Project. After learning about the Jewish Community Foundation, we opened a donor-advised fund. We still looked forward to a new blender, napkin rings and a complete set of china, but we also wanted to make our mark in the community and help our guests to learn more about contributing so we can donate to all of our favorite organizations.

Special memories of the day

Rebecca: My favorite memory is walking down the aisle with my parents, seeing Ted, and seeing the chuppah for the first time. My dad kept stepping on my dress and I didn’t want to say anything because I didn’t want to ruin the wedding video. My good friend, T Vanhook, made my chuppah from my grandmother’s lace tablecloth. After my parents walked me down the aisle, and after I circled Ted seven times, we entered the chuppah. I remember looking up at the beautiful lace design and thinking of my grandmother and how much she would have loved Ted.

Ted: My favorite memory was seeing Rebecca walk down the aisle with her parents. The sun was just starting to set and it cast a wonderful light across everyone as she appeared. While our wedding was on a Sunday, this actually reminded me of the song L’cha Dodi that welcomes the Sabbath bride at sundown on Friday night. Of course, the sun was in my eyes a little too, but I was able to see her (and her Dad step on her dress).

Wedding attire: Gown by Watters and Watters; Ted wore a suit from Top Hat Formal Wear

Florist: Sav-On Flowers

Photographer: John Hursh — Focus On Events Photography

Caterer: Westward Look Resort

Wedding cake: Pumpkin cake with cheesecake frosting, with edible bougainvillea traveling up the cake(from Mini’s Cupcakes and Ambrosia Cakes) topped with two bobbleheads designed to look like Rebecca and Ted

Music: DJ Brandon Kelley

Andrew Burgess and Gabrielle Rubin under the chuppah at Skyline Country Cllub on Oct. 25, 2009

Friends and family lift Gabrielle Rubin and Andrew Burgess for the traditional chair dance. Photo: Lyn Sims

Gabrielle Rubin and Andrew Burgess were married Oct. 25, 2009 at Skyline Country Club with Rabbi Robert Eisen, Rabbi Arthur Oleisky and Cantor Ivor Lichterman officiating.
Gabrielle is the daughter of Madeline and Barry Friedman and Norman Rubin and Kathy McGuire, and the granddaughter of Murray Rosenbaum and Gert Rubin, all of Tucson. An acupuncturist, artist, and musician, she is a graduate of the New England School of Acupuncture in Boston, and Cornish College of the Arts in Seattle.
Andy is the son of Lana Davies and John Burgess of London. He has a degree in politics from Leeds University and studied at the Byam Shaw School of Art in London. A full-time artist, he exhibits around the world, including at the Eric Firestone Gallery in Tucson.
Laura Sagerman of Tucson, a friend of the bride, was matron of honor. The best man was Alex Gordon of London, a friend of the groom.
The couple resides in Tucson.

Ages:
Gabrielle is 38 and Andy is 41.

How they met:
“We met on JDate,” says Gabrielle. “Andy came to visit his brother who lives in Tucson. We spent our first date drawing and listening to music downtown. It was very comfortable. Andy was just very easy to be around and we laughed a lot together.”

The proposal:
(Gabrielle’s story):  “Andy took me up to Ventana Canyon for dinner at the Flying V and proposed in front of the lake. It was very sweet.”
Andy’s version: “It was my mum’s idea. She said, ‘Why don’t you take her somewhere romantic in front of the water’ and I said, ‘This is Tucson. There is no water!’ So I ended up looking online and finding this picture of the lake at Ventana Canyon. It was a gorgeous evening. All the staff made a fuss of us because I told them it was a special evening.”

Wedding planning triumph:
“Luckily we had Marianne Langer [of Concepts] as our wedding planner,” says Gabrielle. “We had a limited budget, and she was really good at making things work. Originally we were going to keep it small, but it kept growing — we had 195 guests. We managed to book a lot of rooms at the Windmill Inn for the out-of-town guests, at really good rates, so that was great.”

Special memories of the day (Gabrielle):
“My mother-in-law helped me choose my dress and I felt very beautiful in it. Compared to all the stress of the planning and the nerves, the wedding day was pure fun.
“I went to the mikvah in the morning — Esther Becker led me through that process; that was the first time I’d ever done the mikvah. That was a really beautiful experience. Andy’s best man’s wife, Laura Granditer, came with me. It was very special.

Bride Gabrielle Rubin with her mother, Madeline Friedman, and father, Norman Rubin

“One of my favorite memories was when I was walking around Andy. I was determined to make it around seven times; when the rabbis said that I was done at three  circles (it’s a custom that’s open to interpretation), I naughtily rushed around to make it seven.
“Also, as I was about to meet Andy halfway to the chuppah, I discovered that my father was standing on my wedding dress. I couldn’t move.  I think he subconsciously didn’t want to let me go. Andy had    to come and get me. There were a lot of quirky, funny moments, but the overall feeling of our wedding was very beautiful, sweet and joyous.”

Special memories of the day (Andy):
“Being under the chuppah was really special. We kept having funny moments. I kissed Gabrielle before I was supposed to and everybody laughed. I was too eager, so I grabbed her and gave her a kiss and I was told off by the rabbi.

Photo: Lyn Sims

“Just looking into Gabrielle’s eyes in front of the chuppah; we were both smiling so much. It was quite windy, so it was funny because her veil kept flying in front of her face. And I was facing the sun so she kept moving her head and veil to shield me from the sun. It was very intimate. It was really lovely. And then there were the little amusing moments. I think that’s symbolic of our relationship — we’re a pretty slapstick couple.”
Attire:
Gabrielle wore a silk taffeta strapless gown with glass beads and “a relatively small train.”  Andy wore a navy blue suit.

Flowers: Marianne Langer

Photographer: Lyn Sims

Catering:
Skyline Country Club. “We had a really delicious cake that was made by Skyline,” says Gabrielle, “with chocolate cake and vanilla icing.”

Ceremony music:
The Klezmerpolitans

George Howard and the Roadhouse Hounds, who play Motown and R&B.